You Are Quite Feeble

In Ramirez's first 40 games, the Dodgers had a run differential of plus-22 and averaged 4.55 runs per game, as opposed to 4.43 through July 31....It's hard to talk about the MVP Award for Manny when the team that paid the Dodgers to take Ramirez is 27-13 without him through Sunday and have seen their runs per game increase from 4.94 at the time of the deal to 6.22 since.

-Peter Gammons (via FJM)

Holy shit.

Denver and Game 3 was incredible. NYC/Professor Thom's and Game 4 was awesome. Pictures are forthcoming, though alissaaa posted much better ones already.



2004 playoffs: Win three, lose three, win eight.
2007 playoffs: Win four, lose three, win seven.



Wow, when did The Onion's sports section get so good?

- Rockies Complain About 'Thick' Fenway Park Air
- David Ortiz Incorporates Champagne Goggles Into Everyday Uniform
- Curt Schilling Inexplicably Bleeding Throughout Game 3 Start

(pre-Series) "Keys To The Matchup":

This had to be a top 5 day in terms of my time as a Boston sports fan. I won't rank them or anything, but I think they are

2001 Super Bowl (Patriots winning their first championship)
2004 ALCS Game 7 (beating the Yankees after being down 3-0 in the series)
2004 World Series Game 1 (I was at the game, they won, it was insane)
2004 World Series Game 4 (Sox winning their first championship in 86 years)
2007 ALCS Game 7 (beating the Indians after being down 3-1) and the Patriots continue their ridiculous dominance into Week 7.

How's this for a perfect storm:

- The Sox are favored to win the World Series, and it should be a great, competitive series against a team that seemingly can't lose.
- The Patriots are overwhelmingly favored to win the NFL championship. Their games are not competitive.*
- The Celtics are favored to win the Eastern Conference (says Vegas), and at minimum are poised to rip through most of the East if they can develop some chemistry together (and preseason indications, while meaningless, are positive).

*Perfect storm within a perfect storm:

- The Patriots have an offense and a QB that are projected to break most of the existing records for scoring and offensive efficiency.
- Their defense is among the best in the league, and probably the only thing holding back the offense -- simply because it's bad form to score 50+ points unless it's actually a close game.
- The Patriots have arguably the greatest game-planning coach in the history of football.
- By all accounts, Tom Brady is already one of the best quarterbacks of all time in terms of decision-making and accuracy.
- Randy Moss is possibly the best natural athlete involved in Boston sports right now (KG could be a close 2nd). The two long TD passes today were nothing more than 35/50 yard pitch-and-catch, regardless of who was covering Moss. He just ignores defenders.
- The Patriots are pissed off and refusing to show mercy because of all the shit people talked after the camera controversy, saying their previous success was somehow tainted. Bill Simmons wrote a column a week ago exploring this brand-new quirk of our Patriots, namely their newfound propensity to go for the "F You touchdown". For example-- today they played an 0-6 team, and were up 35-7 a couple of minutes before halftime. At that point they got the ball back one more time, and started running their two-minute offense like their season depended on it. Boom, 42-7 at halftime.

Um, I am enjoying the hell out of all this. Go Sox.

Cleveland -> Rocks
Cleveland -> Rocks
Cleveland -> Rocks

Here is a list of 10 people who would have been worse choices than Dane Cook for MLB Playoffs Spokesperson Guy. Impressive.



Here is a Globe article from a few months ago, with predictions from people around the league regarding Randy Moss's future:

"Randy Moss is a player whose skills are diminishing, and he's in denial of those eroding skills."
-Tom Walsh, Moss's offensive coordinator in Oakland, currently unemployed.

"He's losing his legs. He's becoming an old man fast."
-Art Shell, Moss's head coach in Oakland, currently unemployed.



The Celtics are in Italy playing some preseason games, developing chemistry, and buying into their new team philosophy of "ubuntu".

courtesy of one of the dudes at FJM.

FOX cancels shows such as:

- Firefly
- Arrested Development
- Undeclared
- Family Guy
- Futurama

...so it can make room on its schedule for quality programming like "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader", "Til Death" and "Back to You". And it gets better:

Charlie Moore, host of ESPN's "Beat Charlie Moore" and NESN's "Charlie Moore Outdoors," has agreed to a deal with Fox Broadcasting to star in a sitcom tentatively scheduled to air in fall 2008. The comedy will be about a brash, wacky Boston guy (Moore) who's a local football coach. "I can't wait to bring my brand of outdoor humor to families across America," he said in a statement.

OK, I'll say it. What the fuck is "outdoor humor"?

:.

Yeah, I laughed at these:

Making fun of Roger Clemens? OK.
Making fun of Tim McCarver? Great.
Making fun of Roger Clemens via Tim McCarver being a dumbass? SOLD.

From: adam S Subject: who needs relief? I've got a plethora of relievers and i need a top notch starter. Make me an offer. And if anyone wants bonds as part of the deal, thats cool.

From: Matt V Subject: Re: who needs relief? He just offered me Mariano Rivera for Dan Haren straight up. I thought everyone might find that amusing.

From: adam S Subject: amusing? Dan haren's era over the past month is 3.38 and rivera's is 0.71. Whats amusing is you think thats a bad trade. Whats amusing is that i even offered that to you because i was desperate for a starter even for one who has fallen off the top tier of starters recently. Maybe if you followed baseball you would not have been "amused" by this trade offer but looked seriously at it. You can't name a better reliever in baseball than rivera, but i can name ten better starters than dan haren. Check your facts before making stupid offensive posts like that. Its guys who make stupid posts and stupid moves that ruin these types of leagues for everyone else.

From: Matt V Subject: Re: amusing? Honestly, I thought you were trying to take advantage of me. I can see now that you weren't, so I do apologize for the post. It was pretty rude. For what it's worth though, 1) More valuable fantasy closers than Rivera: Putz, Saito, Wagner, Isringhausen, Hoffman, Nathan, Jenks, Valverde, Papelbon, K-Rod, Cordero. 2) There aren't many more misleading stats for relievers than 'ERA', and comparing a reliever's ERA to a starter's is completely pointless for many reasons. 3) You do realize a 3.38 ERA for the season would be in the top 20 for starters this year, right? But the 3.38 ERA you're talking about is Haren's version of a bad month! By any reasonable measure he is one of the top 5 starters in baseball thus far. Again, sorry for ruining the league.

( Well... )

.:

In the next couple of months or so, as a Boston sports fan I get to watch:

...the Sox make another run at the World Series, with starters Curt Schilling, Daisuke Matsuzaka, Josh Beckett, Tim Wakefield, relievers Hideki Okajima, Jonathan Papelbon, and Eric Bleeping Gagne, as well as some guys named Manny Ortez, Jason Varitek, Kevin Youkilis and Mike Lowell.

...the Patriots give Tom Brady a loaded corp of receivers to throw to for the first time in his NFL career, including Randy Bleeping Moss, Ben Watson, Donte Stallworth and Wes Welker.

...Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, Rajon Rondo and Kevin Bleeping Garnett developing chemistry together. KG directing traffic on the defensive end. KG setting screens for Pierce. Pierce exploding to the basket. Pierce hitting Ray Allen, camped outside for a wide open trey. Opposing coaches trying to figure out how in hell to defend this team.

(credit: following )

from the most recent Sports Guy mailbag:

Q: I find myself actively HATING the new Red Sox. Since winning it all in 2004, it has been a complete nightmare for me -- from the out of control bandwagon of Pink Hat wearers, etc., to the Chavez Ravine-esque feel of games at Fenway now (arrive in the third, leave in the seventh!), to the well-moneyed cabal of front office carpetbaggers with a "hometown boy" dangling at the forefront like a Tammany Hall vote wrangler at the docks of old Manhattan, to the string of bad personnel moves -- we are mirroring EVERY SINGLE bad aspect of the post-2000 Yankees. Everything that every fiber of my being loathes. Their obsession with catching up to the Yankees has made them forget about what got us the title in the first place: a TEAM. --C. Fleming, Boston, Mass. SG: You know, I felt twinges of this reader's anger this winter, because the truth is, I never wanted to root for a team that bought championships like the Yankees, even though our 2004 payroll was easily nine figures and we landed Schilling, Pedro and Manny mainly because we were one of the only teams that could afford them. Even so, it was always more fun believing that the Red Sox were the "underdogs" in the ongoing blood feud because we didn't spend as much money as the Yanks. But when they have similar payrolls? Not as much fun. So I was bummed out. For instance, the Dice-K signing seemed excessive to me at the time, and I would have much rather seen them go the "Moneyball" route with right field and try to get lucky there (like they did with the Mueller-Ortiz-Millar signings in 2003) over just saying, "Screw it!" and throwing $70 million at J.D. Drew. There was no art to the way they slapped together the 2007 team; they started writing big, fat checks and that was that. And then spring training rolled around and I watched a couple of Dice-K starts. That's all I needed. The guy's great. If you're a Red Sox fan, you'll be checking the paper every day just to make sure you don't miss one of his starts this year -- he's not as overpowering as vintage Pedro, but he has a similar arsenal of pitches (including a ridiculous collection of off-speed pitches) and a real swagger on the mound. You always feel like you're in good hands with him. Same with Papi and Manny. And Papelbon. Lugo and Drew are enormous upgrades over Gonzalez and Nixon. Beckett looks ready for a comeback year. Schilling looks like he has one last good year in him. And so on. And so on. And now that the one question (closer) has been resolved with Papelbon's willingness to take the job back, it feels like we're headed for a monster season. It's the best team that money can buy. Literally. And you know what? It's not my money. So screw it. I'm on board. Even if there's absolutely no difference between the Red Sox and Yankees anymore. (Well, except for the fans. We have jobs.)

Yeah, there's no question that this year seems more like Yankees/A and Yankees/B than ever before. It's getting kind of laughable to claim that the Sox management excels at finding undervalued players, aside from perhaps the farm system. I'm going to miss having the perceived moral high ground in arguments with Yankees fans.

Excited Red Sox Fans Eagerly Await Debut Of Matsuzaka's 'Ultimate Galactic Dragon Gyroball Pitch Power Explosion' (The Onion)

"Daisuke is the pitching master!" said Boston Globe baseball columnist Bob Ryan, hopping from one foot to the other as he described videotape footage of Matsuzaka's otherworldly pitching power and control banishing a flock of evil, conniving, left-handed-batting carp-spirits to the netherworld during a 2003 Seibu Lions game. "His Ultimate Galactic Dragon Gyroball Pitch Power Explosion breaks three feet inside before cutting sharply toward the dugout, where falsehood and cowardice are forced to shrink before it!"

simon: you're interested in playing fantasy this year right? matt: yes simon: k simon: i think jfk is gonna set it up matt: sweet matt: time to start thinking about neme tames simon: seriously simon: i just got invited to my work one simon: gotta think of something. matt: Roll of the Dice-K simon: heh, a little obvi matt: yes, i'm just warming up here matt: I'm Gonna Git U (Matsu)Sucka simon: hahahaha matt: Mama Said Knock Drew Out matt: WWJDD simon: hahah simon: what would jd drew? matt: alright, then, WWJDDD simon: i like the former matt: Moynahan Babymamas matt: Brady's Sperm Cells matt: Tito's Circulation-Promoting Sweatshirts matt: Who Needs A Closah matt: Closer Pie Committee matt: Jason Varitek and the Argonauts simon: hahahah matt: The Hack Donnellys matt: Studio 60 on the Lansdowne Strip matt: Value Over Replacement Team Name matt: Packets of Fun matt: Just Baseball Players matt: Alex Cora's Acumen matt: Somerville Posting Fees matt: Asahi Beerus matt: Daisuke McChugsalot simon: hahaha matt: Sox Appeal (just kidding) matt: Pedro Woulda Double-Bagged it simon: Moynahan Babymamas might be my fave so far matt: ha really matt: that one's OK simon: except would it be better as bridget's babymamas? matt: no, you're right simon: for the aliteration matt: yep matt: i said moynahan because it kind of sounded like a city name simon: hahaha simon: true matt: Akinori Otsuka Loves Chachi matt: A Bag of Baseballs matt: (so if there are discussions for a midseason trade, i can be like.. i wouldn't trade that guy for A Bag of Baseballs) simon: hahahha matt: Somerville No Baby It Wasn't Like Thats matt: Lugo Girl matt: might look better as Lu Go Girl matt: nevermind that one simon: hahha matt: Wake Me Up Before Lugo Go matt: Why Not Gus? matt: Gameboy Up matt: Curly Haired Bastards matt: Dustin Pedroia Has Been Called A Poor Man's David Eckstein. Fuck, We're Screwed matt: Pedroia Martinez (just cause everyone's already thinking it) matt: Dustin "Diamond" Pedroia simon: hah matt: Wily Or Won't He? matt: Wily Mo Betta Blues simon: hhaaaaaaa matt: surely i've said that one before... simon: yes, we've been over it matt: alright alright matt: Jor-El Piniero matt: Bregg Crezlow matt: Jesus Christ Romero matt: Mirabelli's Still Here? matt: I Ain't Feeling Lowell matt: Hideki Bleeping Dent matt: "Don't Call Me Jon" Papelbon matt: Manny Del Charmin simon: ok, how do i politely back out of asking for help

- Sure, Britney needs a little help right now. Years of therapy, even. But she's going to look damn cute once her hair grows in a little.

- The spawn of Tom Brady and Bridget Moynahan is going to grow up to be a superhero. He/she doesn't have a choice in the matter.

- I can't bring myself to care about the mess Anna Nicole has left behind. Not even a little.

- My new company's stock price dropped 42% a couple of weeks ago after restating earnings for the last three quarters. Soon afterwards they became the recipient of something like 15 class-action lawsuits on behalf of shareholders. Now we're getting those emails that say stuff like, "it is very important that all Company documents that may in any way relate to these events be preserved as evidence to assist us in defending the Company... All paper records, electronically stored information, e-mail or other electronic communications related to the restatement of financial results must be saved." Obviously, these are very exciting times for the subprime mortgage business.

- I've finished watching 5 of 6 seasons of Northern Exposure. Unquestionably better than anything else I've been watching on TV these days. I'll definitely be missing the fictional community of Cicely, Alaska when I'm done.

- The OC's series finale is Thursday. wahh, i guess.

- Grey's Anatomy is in the middle of the dumbest cliffhanger ever. Unless they do something unexpected. They won't. For my three friends who are getting married this year, I will be reciting the entire Izzy Stevens "I believe" speech at ONE reception. Which one will just have to be a fun surprise.

- Crackdown officially goes on sale today for the Xbox 360. Hopefully I'll find a copy somewhere during lunch today. Again, the concept in a nutshell is that it's a Grand Theft Auto style "sandbox" game where you're a superpowered cop. Judging from the demo, the biggest draw is going through the game trying to level up (allowing yourself to jump higher, get better cars, etc.). Once I'm done with it-- which seems like it could be a month or less-- I'll probably be heading back to Gears of War until Virtua Tennis 3 comes out.

- I spent a night last week doing a website design for a friend of a friend's new T-shirt business. Primary concern was doing a design that was quirky but not too crazy for your typical inebriated college student. Here's my mockup... the actual site likely won't be quite that polished.

- This three-day weekend could not have come at a better time. I had drinks with Eugene a couple nights ago, he always forces me to take a look at what I could be doing right now. I don't have the answer quite yet, but at least I'm thinking about it in a healthier way.

- The Celtics currently own the worst record in the league. The conventional wisdom is that they should continue to tank the season so they can position themselves for one of the top 2 picks in the draft (resulting in Greg Oden or Kevin Durant). When the season started, Paul Pierce was healthy and they were a decidedly middle-of-the-pack squad. Today Paul Pierce is once again healthy, Wally Sczerbiak is back, and a few of the younger guys have gotten leaps and bounds better during the 18-game losing streak. I don't see how this is supposed to work. I'm just going to enjoy watching and not worry about it.

- Ah, did I mention-- spring training has officially started. Everyone's there except Manny Ramirez, but his mother is ill (seriously). My big question: How good does Daisuke need to be for the average fan not to be disappointed?

some guys on WEEI were trying to make a big deal about this ad today. something about the red sox logo being used in a commercial that seems to glorify chugging beer.

quite frankly, i'm much more horrified by the Hoobastank.

Q: The Sox should just tell Manny he got traded to Boston. He won't know the difference.
--Mike H, Noxen, N.H.

SG: I love this idea. They could go all out with this: Call him up, tell him he's been traded to Boston, have him pack up all of his stuff, fly him in circles in the team jet for five hours, then drop him off in Cambridge and tell him he's on the West Coast. He might fall for it. By the time the season starts, it will be too late for him to complain. I really think this could work.

from the guys that brought you Lots of Blue-Shirted/Khakiied People Invade a Best Buy and Slow Motion Shoppers at Home Depot:

How to Get Fake Lost at Yankee Stadium (deadspin)

.:

speaking of retards--

this weekend, i watched NFL PrimeTime ...or whatever its called, and saw Michael Irvin make some typically inane statement (nothing out of the ordinary though) and then Tom "They Hate Their Coach" Jackson turns to him and says "are you retarded??" and launches into his counterpoint.

i was a little surprised, but it just seemed more random and funny than anything else. i imagined that i could hear the faint sounds of invisible ESPN producers banging their heads on desks. but i eventually forgot about it.

now apparently a big deal has been made about it, it's even cut into some of the Deion Branch talk on sports radio around here. just remember the words of Carlin, you cunt-faced sons of wetbacks people: There are no bad words. Just bad thoughts. Bad intentions.

edit: man, who doesnt love youtube...



yeah, funny thing is you watch the video and you automatically become more sympathetic to Mr. Jackson. but in the interest of sensitivity, friends, lets just agree that Mr. Irvin is not 'retarded' in any sense of the word-- he just happens to be a huge fucking crackhead.

the horror. the horror.

David Ortiz's "Elevex" commercial (deadspin.com)

Ortiz: There are some at-bats where one can't afford to fail, the same is true during the intimate moments. Take Elevex. Take it from me, David Ortiz (big wink) 'Big Papi.'

Announcer: Elevex. 36 hours of pure masculine sexual potency.

yay, i finally have a suitable answer for pixelinpink's poll.

Deal is struck for Orioles' Lopez (boston.com)

if the Sox recall Javier Lopez from the PawSox, does that mean that both of these guys will have to wear their full names on the back of their jerseys? i'm so buying a Javy jersey if that happens.