You Are Quite Feeble

by popular demand. (like, two of you.)

an additional ten fictional characters i'd be all up ons

	carol vessey ed
	"I'm not afraid of you being my boyfriend. I'm afraid of you being my ex-boyfriend."
	sarah connor terminator: scc
	"Half an hour. One bag, plus the guns. I'll make pancakes."
	maggie dekker eli stone
	"My suggestion: go find another peon to pee on."
	sookie stackhouse true blood
	"Bill, you were just lickin' blood outta my head. I don't think it gets much more personal than that."
	charlotte 'chuck' charles pushing daisies
	"Yeah? You were my first kiss, too. Do you wanna be my last kiss? First and last? Or is that weird?"
	dani reese life
	"I don't really understand you. I don't really like you. But... you're not one of the bad guys."
	tyra collette friday night lights
	"Just a bunch of overheated jocks, too dumb to know they have no future, fighting over a game that has no meaning, in a town from which there is no escape."
	giselle enchanted
	"Still, as long as I am here / I guess a new experience / Could be worth trying / Hey! Keep drying!"
	laura in treatment
	"You know for months, I spent the week thinking-- it'll be this Monday. I'll tell him that I love him, and he'll tell me that he loves me, and the session won't be 50 minutes; it'll go forever."
	megan smith privileged
	"Why do you need porn? Why is porn a need? Why can't I stop saying 'porn'?"

first list!
second list!
third list!

no repeats!

As a refresher-- this is not a '10 actresses who are hot' list. The internets have plenty of those. These are fictional characters for whom one can't help but temporarily fall head over heels. As a wise man once said in a fast food joint, personality goes a long way.

"I thought it was extraordinary how well she played her and how much she looked like her... personally I felt we didn't need the Hillary stuff, I'd like her to go even harder. I want her to decimate this woman. This woman, I can't believe there hasn't been more about it... It's just unbelievable to me this woman is actually running for vice president."

-Chevy Chase (on Tina Fey's portrayal of Sarah Palin)

This is coming from a dead ringer for George W. Bush who let the last eight years go by without a peep!



Hot/Creepy Related News: Apparently Sarah Palin once dressed up as Tina Fey for Halloween.

I can't write with any credibility on how Tim Russert was a good man.

Of course he must have been. Those of us who pay some attention know that family and his relationship with his father and his son meant more to him than life itself. He wore his love for his hometown of Buffalo on his sleeve. He seemed, through our televisions, to be a person of genuine warmth and enthusiasm... an oddity among characters and peers who seemed to excel at either faking those same qualities or revelling in their decided lack of them.

But what do I know, I'm just the guy with a remote control and an opinion.

Aside from that most immediate tragedy; the loss of the man that is being felt so profoundly by his colleagues, competition, political figures on both sides of the aisle, and certainly viewers, there is an even more depressing side to this development.

( Read more... )

Matt: tiger just had knee surgery. Simon: woah, really? Matt: out 4 weeks, so maybe it's nothing too crazy Matt: 2nd time in five years Matt: oh, i never told you my theory on why he was booting it this weekend Simon: pain in his knee? Matt: well Matt: yeah Matt: now that sounds better than my theory Simon: hah, not really. i doubt that would affect putting Simon: as much as driving Matt: alright well this is the problem Matt: he's got his new contract with gatorade Matt: and he's got his own drink Matt: with 25% more electrolytes Matt: golfers dont sweat that much Matt: the extra electrolytes are making him SPAZZ OUT Matt: HE'S GIVING HIMSELF THE YIPS Simon: hahah Simon: that is a really weird sponsorship Matt: i mean i get the sponsorship. world class athlete, never a bad thing to have as a sports product Matt: but to go out of your way to create a version of your product that caters to excessive loss of fluids Matt: when the dude plays golf? Simon: it's not like you need gatorade during golf Simon: you need a beer Simon: or nips of whiskey

These ads crack me up.



Yes We Can. (but we won't! so... fuck off!)

"You go into these small towns in Pennsylvania and, like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing’s replaced them... And they fell through the Clinton administration, and the Bush administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate and they have not... And it’s not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or antitrade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations."

Well, that was a stupid thing to say.

If you're wondering how Senator Obama could make these comments in front of the very Pennsylvanians who he was making these sweeping generalizations about... he did not. He made them at a fundraiser in San Francisco a week ago, in front of well-heeled California Democrats.

The fallout has actually been kinder to Obama in the analysis than it might have been. The media focus has largely come down on the word "bitter"... and while Obama apologists might concede that it wasn't the best word to use, they continue to defend (as with each of his recent gaffes) the sentiment behind it. Obama himself actually repeated the B-word, with purpose, in a stump speech a few days ago. And if it had initially only been used that way; to show the disillusionment of the average voter, it would have been ill-advised but ultimately understandable.

Unfortunately, in its original context there is a more disturbing undertone.

He made these remarks while trying to explain why Hillary has carried unwavering support from the "blue collar" set, especially in the context of the time and money spent in Pennsylvania with little to no momentum in that demographic. Obama is essentially saying, "The people who aren't voting for me blame the country for their problems, and are clinging to guns or religion or nationalism or xenophobia to make themselves feel better. It's not possible that these individuals could logically come to a conclusion of supporting Hillary; so all of her blue-collar supporters must be rednecks with lingering issues, and it's going to be tough for me to get through to them."

Basically, Barack Obama thinks Pennsylvania is full of guys like this.

In that context, McCain's charges of "breathtaking" elitism and condescension actually don't sound that hysterical.

So the short-term fallout (and keeping in mind that Pennsylvania votes on April 22nd):

Hillary Clinton is suddenly the candidate of optimism and hope. Barack Obama is making speeches in front of people he considers to be empty and bitter.

Also, Obama becomes elitist and hopelessly out-of-touch with the common man. (Quite a reversal when the opposing candidate has just released her Trump-esque tax returns.)

There's a report that says Jimmy Carter and Al Gore are planning to ask Hillary to step down for the good of the party. I wonder if it's true, and I wonder if she would listen.



The return of The Office on Thursday was terrific. Unfortunately, I can't get Hunter's brain-meltingly awful song out of my head. (Was anyone else waiting for a line in the lyrics that ended with 'Jan'?)



Friday Night Lights -

"Friday Night Lights" (season 1, at least) -

Go figure.

If loving Dana is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Last night was also the first appearance of Mel (Kristen Schaal) from Flight of the Conchords as a regular Daily Show correspondent.





Found another webcomic recently that I am enjoying, "Subnormality"... infrequently updated, but its a case of quality over quantity.



I watched Enchanted a couple of nights ago, begrudgingly. Because Jon Stewart and Amy Adams' performance were the only two parts of this year's Oscars that I liked.

The movie was actually terrific. If you think I haven't already bought the soundtrack or don't have Ms. Adams tastefully adorning my desktop, well, you just don't know me very well.

Growing up, I watched way more Disney than was probably healthy for a prepubescent male. I've probably seen The Little Mermaid like 200 times. I think I still know all of the words to that movie's soundtrack, plus The Lion King, couple others.

Enchanted is a (mostly) live-action film, but it's still (I think) Disney's most successful attempt recently to get back to that era. I'm not sure how I grew up hating musicals and yet randomly enjoying things like Enchanted... maybe it's the former's judicious use of jazz hands that frightens me off.

The A Daily Show was good. Not great. It was pretty much a throwaway show to mostly (I hope) get the strike material out of the way, as they spent almost no time on anything political. And lord knows that material has been piling up.

The Colbert Report was better, but he had the luxury of a 2.5 minute standing ovation (10% of the show right there!), as well as two guests (one being Andrew Sullivan)... plus in general I think it's easier for Stephen Colbert to chew up time and get cheap laughs by being manic.

Obviously, the test is going to be Day 2, Day 3 and onwards.



Thank goodness for late-arriving shows with scripts already in the can...

Season 5 of The Wire started off as brilliant as ever. Since we can trust David Simon to give us his authentic version of the big city news desk, it's that much more fascinating to watch the show's newest setpiece.

I found myself making an effort to reacclimate to the pacing of the show in general; it's not so much that it's frantic, but there's certainly a need to hang onto every word whenever possible. The daily grind of the Baltimore Sun and a relentless news cycle fits in perfectly. I can't wait to see how things unfold.

Waiting two years to make another one of these would have been pushing it. My entertainment 2007 has already provided me with:

yet another ten fictional characters i'd be all up ons

	pam beesley the office
	pam is the reason this list exists: she's not model-gorgeous or anything... but after just a few episodes' worth of jim and pam's insufferable cuteness you recognize that she's actually the perfect woman.
	ichigo shirayuri kamikaze girls
	an adorable biker chick. who would probably fly into a seething rage and roam the countryside if she knew some punk out there was calling her adorable.
	rachel lindquist undeclared
	resident dorm hottie with a heart of gold. she has a great sense of humor and is surprisingly easy to get along with... but she can go into unapproachably gorgeous mode on cue if necessary.
	sarah walker chuck
	if retail store computer nerd chuck is everyman, agent walker is everyman's dream come true. she's a pro, but not so much that she can avoid falling for him. perfect!
	rita bennett dexter
	as pure and sweet a soul as you'll find. as it turns out, the man who has served as a major stabilizing force in her life is secretly a serial killer, but somehow you just know they belong together.
	di di malloy the riches
	as with each of the malloy kids, she is wise beyond her years, and fiercely loyal. family comes first, but she knows there's lots out there she hasn't seen. you'd gladly be her tour guide.
	serena van der woodsen gossip girl
	filthy rich and beautiful... but magically devoid of the snobbishness exhibited by her filthy rich and beautiful friends. she is towing a crazy past behind her like an anchor, but she could be ready to take things seriously for the right guy.
	coco the flight of the conchords
	oh no, she's not trying to break up the band. you wouldn't believe what we heard she's into.
	harriet hayes studio 60 on the sunset strip
	one of the more endearing bits of a grandiose production full of egos and sound and fury. sure, she's got the glitz and glamour side, but deep down she's just a girl who wants to make you laugh.
	alice alden, m.d. saved
	sort of whiny and not nearly assertive enough to be an ER doc. but ultimately, still the kind of woman you figure is worth putting your life back together for.

first list!
second list!

no repeats!

(whoops I accidentally deleted and had to re-post this entry.)

I've always ignored the W3C when creating websites, and at the same time never had a problem denouncing prior versions of Internet Explorer for not supporting web standards. I figured I could cut myself some slack, considering I build everything from start to finish in Notepad and the resulting pages look pretty good on 90% of computers out there.

But 90% is a little too far from 100% when talking about something like a portfolio... Alissa and Kati pointed out that things looked terrible in Safari. And it's not a stretch to believe someone important at a design firm might be using Safari when making up their mind about me some day.

As with most things that I dismiss out of ignorance, once I spent a few minutes actually looking at what I had to change it was pretty easy to fix. I still have some work to do on the individual sites in the portfolio, but having done some light research I'm now a much better web designer than I was a week ago. (And last week I was pretty damn good.)



I bought an MP3 from Amazon's store. It was ridiculously easy. 99 cents and a couple of clicks, then a high-quality DRM-free file gets automatically dumped into iTunes and my music folder exactly as I would have manually done. Actually, it might have been too easy-- I didn't realize I had been charged until the track was already on my hard drive.

The track was "Baby Love Child" by Pizzicato Five; I'm addicted to it right now. It didn't really sound like the rest of their music, so it seemed acceptable to buy the individual track.



The song is used with a closing montage in an episode of "Futurama", which I have been watching nonstop the past few days. I'm halfway through the 5th and final most recent season, it's wickedly funny. After I'm done, reading through each episode's Wikipedia page will be a must because every show is crammed full of references and futuristic send-ups of stupid shit in 21st century life... Invader Zim was great at that sort of thing as well, although Futurama's visual gags tend to be a lot less subtle. (and, hey, both shows feature evil Santa Claus robots that terrorize the Earth every Christmas!)

If there was a Voice Actor Hall of Fame, Futurama would have its own wing. The same guy that voices gruff, hardened space marine Marcus Fenix (John DiMaggio) in Gears of War is hilarious here as Bender. The mother from "Married With Children" and "8 Simple Rules" was somehow the perfect casting choice to play tough and sexy one-eyed heroine Leela. Billy West was already a legendary voice actor, but here he plays (among several other peripheral characters): 1) the doofus hero with a good heart (Philip Fry), 2) the crustacean-alien hybrid (with a hilarious Jewish affectation) Dr. Zoidberg, 3) Zapp Branagan, pompous interstellar space hero (seemingly channeling Phil Hartman's beloved Simpsons characters), 4) Professor Farnsworth, old coot. Maurice LaMarche (known best to me as the Orwellian voice of The Brain from "Animaniacs") makes various appearances as well. Phil LaMarr does a Jamaican "grade 36 bureaucrat" who is obsessed with red tape and limbo contests (LaMarr was also present on Bruce Timm's "Justice League" as the Green Lantern... Andrea Romano gets her own wing in the Hall of Fame for her voice casting and direction on all of Timm's productions as well).

Um. Futurama. Highly, highly recommended if I haven't made that clear.

Updated! The Office is Closed! (AICN)

I'm all for the writers' solidarity and etc... but I can't help but hesitate when I come across these items:

"They're telling the striking workers down at CBS that Julia Louise Dreyfuss walked off the set of "New Adventures of Old Christine" today and promptly joined the picket line."

"Rules of Engagement, starring David Spade and Patrick Warburton has officially shut down as well. Their last episode was filmed Sunday night instead of the usual Tuesday night."

Can we just lock David Spade and Julia Louis-Dreyfus in their trailers for the forseeable future? Maybe station a couple of production interns right outside?

*BANG BANG*

"Is the strike over yet?"

"No, Mr. Spade, it's still going! Hang in there, stay strong!"

Gossip Girl is my favorite show of the new season. It is very much like The O.C., yet instead of annoying-but-beautiful rich kids and the outsider in Orange County, this show revolves around annoying-but-beautiful rich kids and outsiders from the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Mind-blowing!

A sampling of the lead actors and actresses' names:

- Connor Paolo
- Leighton Meester
- Taylor Momsen
- Blake Lively
- Penn Badgley
- Kelly Rutherford
- Chace Crawford
- Nan Zhang

Those would be, respectively: Male, female, male, female, male, female, male, female.

Chuck
Plot summary: Unassuming Geek Squad ("Nerd Herd") employee becomes an operative for US spy agencies.
Outlook: Fresh but basically silly premise that doesn't seem to have much staying power.
Notable cast members: Female CIA agent is insanely hott and a good actress, yet a complete unknown. Sarah Lancaster (Scrubs' Gift Shop Girl, What About Brian's Marjorie). Adam Baldwin (Firefly's Jayne).

( continued... )

I don't know what's more disturbing:

- that the Emmy-award winning people behind The Daily Show believed that Alan Greenspan would make for a compelling and/or funny Daily Show interview.

- that Jon Stewart has NO grasp whatsoever of basic macroeconomic theory. I mean, I love the guy, and often the best part of the show is watching him go toe-to-toe with world leaders, smug GOP mouthpieces, scientists and Hollywood airheads alike. But last night he was flailing around. Stewart/Colbert '08 just took its first major hit.

(Sure to be disappointing program note...)

For those of you who remember Behrooz's tragically hot girlfriend from Season 4 (2005) of 24: ...she now has her own show. Gossip Girls premieres on el CW tonight at 9. Josh Schwartz, formerly of The OC, is one of the writers.

FOX cancels shows such as:

- Firefly
- Arrested Development
- Undeclared
- Family Guy
- Futurama

...so it can make room on its schedule for quality programming like "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader", "Til Death" and "Back to You". And it gets better:

Charlie Moore, host of ESPN's "Beat Charlie Moore" and NESN's "Charlie Moore Outdoors," has agreed to a deal with Fox Broadcasting to star in a sitcom tentatively scheduled to air in fall 2008. The comedy will be about a brash, wacky Boston guy (Moore) who's a local football coach. "I can't wait to bring my brand of outdoor humor to families across America," he said in a statement.

OK, I'll say it. What the fuck is "outdoor humor"?

:.

Yeah, I laughed at these:

Six years later.

( What Keith Olbermann said a year ago. )

.:

I've spent a lot of late hours over the past couple of weeks finding old footage and seeing everything all over again. Rewatching the buildings coming down, on a loop. Reading all about the unique architecture of the WTC towers, the rings of the Pentagon. Watched a couple of films based on Flight 93. Read about the hijackers. Looked through the old proposals for memorials and the new buildings going up. Scoured the 9/11 conspiracy sites and the sites calling them insane.

I do this every year. I think I still feel guilty for sleeping through the whole thing originally.

But I can't watch the memorials without wanting to scream at everyone. I understand that there's pain, but is there distanced, logical reflection behind it? There can't be if this is the way we've spent the past six years.

President Bush on September 20, 2001:

Americans are asking, why do they hate us? They hate what we see right here in this chamber -- a democratically elected government. Their leaders are self-appointed. They hate our freedoms -- our freedom of religion, our freedom of speech, our freedom to vote and assemble and disagree with each other.

I think that at least 90% of the American public probably still would agree with this (completely incorrect) statement. And until that changes, the G.W.O.T. will a) be a huge waste of time with no end in sight, and b) only continue to make things worse.

Making fun of Roger Clemens? OK.
Making fun of Tim McCarver? Great.
Making fun of Roger Clemens via Tim McCarver being a dumbass? SOLD.

via the Simpsons movie site

I'm not really looking forward to the movie all that much. I don't see how having a movie and a bigger budget will automatically make the writing funnier. I also don't get why the "spider pig" gag is that funny.

All the hype has prompted me to tivo the reruns for a while though.

.:

the machinist


It was almost difficult to take a step back and try to absorb this film on its own merits-- simply because Christian Bale's physical transformation for the role (dropping to a reported 120 lbs) was so dramatic, especially for those of us who have seen his beefcakier side in Batman Begins and American Psycho. The filmmakers are fully aware of this, and spare no opportunity to fixate on Bale's appearance.

Once I got past the shock of it, I watched the rest of a fascinating movie anchored by one of the best performances I have ever seen. Bale plays a man who has not slept for a year, and may or may not be starting to crack up as a result. I can't recommend this enough.


( more mini-reviews )

Grey's Anatomy/House parody (MADtv)

My reaction to the end of the series finale:

1. Total confusion and panic.
2. 10 second pause.
3. Burst out laughing.
(4. Go and scour the internet to see what other people are saying.)

( spoilers ahead. )